Discoveries and How They Made Me Feel (by week):
**There were WAY more tiny, unimportant observations, but I decided to just give you the good ones that really made me think in order to save myself a lot of writing and you a lot of reading!
January 1-7, 2012
-I realized the first day of the new year feels different because people want it to; there's a sense of hope for the future in the air, people are trying to make changes in their lives, become better people, and they are most motivated to on new years day -- yet soon that fades and people fall back into their old ways for the most part. That might make me sound pessimistic, but it actually made me feel good about people- even though every year they normally don't change what they set out to, every year people try again anyways!
-I saw a man and his daughter walking down the side walk hand in hand, she was tiny so her arm was straight up in order to hold on to his hand, they were both all bundled up in winter gear, and they just looked happy! I don't know why it seemed so special, but it was just really cute- definitely an uplifting feeling.
-Ever since I started driving I've been blasting music everywhere I go in my car- like really blasting- and I finally realized that although the song is wicked important as well, it just makes me feel so good when I can feel the car vibrating to the beat! (It's like what we learned about during our music unit with the woman who can hear music by feeling it!) That's another reason I love concerts too, because the entire floor starts to vibrate and you can feel it resonate through your entire body! It's just an incredible feeling to feel at one with the music! Definitely a "good to be alive" feeling- especially if the beats good, then I just feel on top of the world.
-The woman I work with started telling me all about her life (which is literally horrible...) and in that one conversation (or really just her talking to me) I learned so many things. 1) Sometimes the best way to help someone is just to listen. I barely said a word that whole time, yet she seemed to like just letting it out and appreciated my attention. Before I never really knew what to say in that situation, when someone tells you something really terrible, but now I know that you really don't have to say anything, you can just be there. 2) She taught me the term "radical acceptance": if you can't change a situation, if you can truly accept it, you will be able to be happy again. If something is out of your control, there's no point in letting it upset you, you just have to move on. I was completely inspired by that. 3) Everyone has a story. Pretty cliché, I know, but just everything she told me surprised me so much- there is just so much you can't know about a person just from being acquaintances with them- you may think you know the gist of them, but you really know nothing. That entire encounter was just a huge surprise to me.
-I saw this couple walking together hand in hand, and let's just say that neither of them were the most attractive looking people, but the way they looked at each other was- oh my god, I can't even describe it! It just looked like love- like they were perfect for each other! I melted inside! It made me feel hopeful- there's someone for everyone!
-At lunch I saw a group of friends dying of laughter- which I normally find fairly obnoxious- but it wasn’t forced at all, it was real- the kind that sort of makes you want to laugh too instead of want to cover your ears. It was just genuine laughter, and it was nice just taking it in.
-After school I heard one of the janitors singing to himself and I almost died it was so cute! It just made me smile- I love hearing people hum or sing to themselves when they don’t think anyone’s around! Those moments just really show a person’s true self.
-I saw two people running underneath the same umbrella- which isn’t that special, but for some reason it just seemed really nice. And ever notice how if people are sharing an umbrella, the person holding it will always hold it more over the other person? If you’re the one holding the umbrella, for some reason we feel a responsibility to keep the other person dry more than ourselves. There’s hope for the human race yet.
-For this project I decided to start reading all the graffiti written on desks and in the bathroom stalls whenever I got the chance. Most were just weird or negative things, but then I found this one message written in pencil in the tiniest handwriting: “don’t worry, it really does get better” on one of the doors in one of the girls’ bathrooms. Definitely made me feel hopeful that there is a better life outside of high school!
-Driving home from somewhere one night I saw maybe five deer in someone’s yard, and I slowed down to watch them. Then it dawned on me that this isn’t that exciting, there’s deer all over the place, why do I find this fascinating?- but then it dawned on me that we sort of forget sometimes that we share our land with animals; even living in our little suburban town the land we claim to “own” is really the animals’ too! We feel like we’re very separate, but we’re not at all! I guess I would categorize this as “surprised”, but it was more just an observation.
-Saw/heard someone laughing on their cell phone hysterically, and for some reason I really wanted to know what the other person had said! The person didn’t seem to care that he was being really loud, but not in an obnoxious way, it was just very unrestrained laughter! Witnessing it just made me happy.
January 8-14, 2012
-I realized that whenever strangers are awkwardly walking past each other on the sidewalk and one of them has a dog, the other person will walk past smiling at the dog! I even do this, and it’s just weird when you think about it! This made me laugh to myself when I noticed this, so I guess this would fall under “good to be alive”- but really it’s just a little something we all have done at one point, but have never realized how ridiculous it is!
-One morning I saw ducks swimming in the lake, and the next morning I saw geese walking on the lake! It was just kind of funny/nice to see them waddling around the ice in this giant group, almost like they were just suspended over the water. I was in a bad mood that morning because it was freezing and I had to walk all the way from my car to the school, but when I saw that I actually felt a little better-- like the day might get a little better.
-In math this kid didn’t think anyone was looking at him and was blowing this windmill looking thing he made out of paper on his pencil for like ten straight minutes- he was just so focused on it! Just seeing people when they’re doing their own thing is normally both really funny and very informing- and also relatable! We all do weird things like that, and it just makes me smile!
-Walking through the 700’s I never really paid attention to the art on the walls, but lately I started to- and some people are really talented! I’m a fairly creative person, but I never get the chance to try cool art projects like that because I’m not in any art classes and I just haven’t made the time for it on my own- but seeing all their work definitely inspires me to try to make time for it. I miss mandatory art class more than recess!
-Driving to school one morning, the sun was still rising and there was an extremely thin layer of snow on the ground, so everything turned golden because of the angle of the light, and it was just so beautiful! I could barely see anything, so it wasn’t the greatest for driving, but it was just a gorgeous winter morning and a good song was playing on the radio, so I was just put in the best mood!
-At the small ensembles concert I didn’t think my friends were actually coming, since they had tons of homework and it was only for two a cappella songs, but they came and brought other people- which not only surprised me, but also showed me how much they love and support me – which I wouldn’t have noticed (until, I guess, the next day when they would have told me) unless I wasn’t trying to be more observant and look at the expressions on peoples faces in the crowd!
-After looking at some more doodles on my desk in Chinese I remembered that there was actual graffiti on buildings in the center that I remember saying something really deep but couldn’t remember. Well I went and looked at the wall and it says “TAKE OUT YOUR I.V. AND LIVE” which seemed both paradoxical and inspiring in a way I guess. On the another wall it read “STOP VANDALISM” which I actually laughed out loud for. Kind of made me want to graffiti something just so that someone random like me could read it…
-In Dunkin Donuts this little baby was being held by its mother facing backwards and it just kept waving and smiling at this random old guy, and I almost died it was so cute! It wasn’t the baby that got me, it was the old man! He just looked so happy! Which made me happy!
-Saw a random couple walking down the hallway, and they weren’t like PDA or anything, they just seemed like naturally comfortable with each other, very relaxed, but cute, and when they parted to go to their classes instead of kissing in the middle of the hallway, I noticed that they just squeezed each other’s hand- very subtle and adorable!
-I never really noticed before how my friend talks to his dogs like they’re real people- he doesn’t change his voice at all or anything, it’s like he’s having a legit conversation with them! And he swears that they understand because of his tone of voice! It just made me smile.
-I saw my youngest sister listening to music on her headphones and she seemed so into it and just tranquil- it was weird for an eleven year old… She just seemed so mature, like she was actually appreciating the music- and she had no idea I was there. She reminded me a lot of myself actually, it was really strange. Walking in on that was very surprising.
-My sister had just gotten her semi dress and as soon as she came home she wanted to show me. When she looked at me it was like she was crossing her fingers for a good response- and then I realized how much my opinion mattered to her (which my mom has been telling me forever in order to make me be nicer to her, but I’ve never listened to). I just had never really noticed before how much of an impact what I say probably has on her. I guess, in a way, this was love impacting me- it made me want to watch what I say to her a little more.
I’ve always thought I was a pretty observant person; I didn’t have to change much to do this project, but I did do extra little things like reading desks or paying closer attention to people’s faces for their reactions. I definitely like being more mindful of things like this and paying attention to the details. Seeing little happy moments like some of the ones I listed is like a simple pleasure- you just look for it, and you find it. I feel that the best way to get out of a bad mood is to look for something expected and turn it into something unexpected, which is not difficult to stumble upon at all. If you take a closer look at things instead of just passing them off as unimportant, normal, or ordinary, you find that average days start to become less mundane because you’re placing greater value on things you usually would not think twice about. When I would notice things that really made me think or made me appreciate something I normally wouldn’t, I definitely felt more connected with my surroundings, more in tune. Instead of just going through your day letting things pass you by, you take in those moments and make them matter.
In almost every one I listed, I said how they made me smile or made me happy for a quick moment, but for most of them I really don’t understand fully why. In the movie “As Good As It Gets”, Simon said, “If you stare at someone long enough, you discover their humanity”, and that’s the best reason I have to offer. Those tiny moments you catch someone in the natural state are just really nice. And for that reason, the discovery that had the biggest impact on me was probably the janitor singing to himself. I can’t even describe how happy and “good to be alive” that made me feel for just that split second. It was unbelievably adorable- I just wanted to run over and give him a hug! Most of mine were very similar to that, but this one stood out for some reason.
As for “seeing something new in the old”, “learn[ing] to notice what others ignore”, and “develop[ing] curiosity about the extraordinary in the ordinary”, I felt like before this project I already sort of did that, but with this, my abilities have gotten stronger. A lot of times I would notice those little happy instances I listed, but never thought about why they made me happy- which turned out was pretty hard to define. I definitely have time for the unexpected, because these discoveries take only really a few seconds if you are capable of looking for them- what makes them great is that they’re simple and only require focus, not really time. Searching for these discoveries is easy, yet it really does bring those quick flashes of contentment. Seeing someone else smile can actually be a pick-me-up if you give it the attention it deserves!
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