Although I believe there are occasional exceptions to the rule, I do in fact believe that it is nearly impossible for males and females to be just friends. When you really think about it, at one point or another, the idea of something more has crossed your mind- even if fleeting, you’ve thought about it- thus increasing the chance for that friendship to fail. This I have learned though, is mostly the males’ fault. Originally I denied it- I would notice if my guy friends ever thought of me as a possibility for something more- but as we went through this unit, I realized just how wrong I was. In class and in the Youtube video “Why Men and Women Can’t Be Friends”, the pattern was clear: almost all girls thought male-female relationships were possible, while boys thought they were impossible; almost all girls said “no” or “it depends” for if they would hook up with one of their guy friends… and all boys? They didn’t even have to think, they all said they definitely would. In “Why Men and Women Can’t Be ‘Just Friends’”, Clifford N. Lazarus writes “…the vast majority of post-pubescent, heterosexual men will invariably have a sexual desirability “reflex” upon seeing a female of reproductive age. Thus the immediate discrimination that a male will make when encountering a female is whether or not he’d like to have sex with her. While some women might acknowledge this sexual “reflex” too, it is likely that they can quickly get past it and focus on the non-sexual aspects of the male with whom they’re relating”. In other words, it’s not just a stereotype, all males really do just think about sex. This just shows me that the whole “just friends” thing is normally just one-sided. For one of my previous exercises I posted a question on Facebook for whether or not people thought boys and girls could just be friends; 8 of 11 who answered yes were boys, and the only 2 who answered no were girls – I am now convinced that they are either lying to me or to themselves. (Mostly because of guys’ mindsets) intimacy always threatens male-female friendships.
Despite learning all this though, I still want to keep my cross-sex friendships because although this unit taught me a lot of negatives, it also made me realize a lot of positives to having friends of the opposite gender as well. I have two insanely close friends who are girls, and the rest are guys! And this unit made me question why. I thought about it a lot actually, and I realized that I just like boys better! Obviously I’m generalizing here, but they’re funnier, they’re less judgmental, less fake, more trustworthy (I feel like I can tell them things and not have to worry that they’re going to spread it to everyone they know!), less dramatic, and just less obnoxious! (And I’m a feminist!! What is this?!?) I actually had an exception to the rule (and the “had” part has nothing to do with sexual tension or anything!), a completely platonic (from both sides of the relationship) cross-sex friendship, and I just loved it so much because things were just so uncomplicated; no drama, no gossiping, no nothing. We were friends since we were born, we did everything together- then later in elementary school we grew apart since we went to different schools. Once in middle school together though it just picked right back up from where it ended and continued through high school, hanging out all the time and telling each other basically everything. This worked because we were more like brother and sister. As Sue explained in the article “The Sex Part: Can Men and Women Really Be Friends?”, “it would feel incestuous to ever be more than friends”. As stated before though, and as I’ve come to learn, most of the time when girls just want to be friends, that feeling isn’t mutual. Coincidentally during this unit, a close guy friend of mine asked me out, and I had to give him the whole “I only see you as a friend” speech. Rather than having this destroy our friendship though, it actually made things a lot better. In “Can Men and Women Be Friends?” by Camille Chatterjee, challenge #1 is defining the relationship, and once we did that, things were exponentially more comfortable. It definitely occurred to me though that it was quite possible for this friendship to fail, so I wondered: should I give up all my other friendships with guys? That thought quickly vanished though. Camille Chatterjee also wrote, “With men, women can joke and banter without any emotional baggage”, and a woman she interviewed said “Friendships with men are lighter, more fun… Men aren’t so sensitive about things”, and I agree 100%. With my two closest girl friends, I feel like we’re constantly picking things apart, analyzing everything, but with guys they just let things go, not everything has to be a big deal, and I need that sometimes. The pros definitely outweigh the cons- which I have proven can be overcome. Things don’t have to get awkward.
So cross-sex platonic relationships may be extremely rare, and cross-sex friendships may for the most part be ultimately doomed, but in the end I believe it’s worth it to have them anyways.
Grade: A+) A very solid argument. Sometimes cross-sex friendships are "easier." As long as everyone respects the "rules of the friendship" and chooses to adhere by them, a successful friendship can sustain without ultimate doom. Many times they are a valuable relationship and provide a degree of support and growth that same-sex friendships may not.
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